


The end of me started with you

by ILoveMisha2



Series: The end [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apocalypse, Cas' POV, Dean - Freeform, Hurt, M/M, Suicide, Supernatural - Freeform, cas, endvers!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 21:31:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2597078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is basically the end and Cas knows he can't pretend anymore and live in his fake world that's made up of smoke and ashes. He's finally ready to find a way out, away from Dean and everything they no longer were.</p><p> this was hard to write just because i struggle with such stuff, anyway i hope people enjoy this fic or something i guess.<br/>Disclaimer: i own nothing but the story itself</p><p>SEQUEL TO THIS FIC: My last goodbye</p>
            </blockquote>





	The end of me started with you

The gun in my hand doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. It’s no longer a burden like me. If anything it represents peace instead of destruction. To me it’s not a destroyer, just an end.

I see the magic the piece of metal represents. I see my whole future swallowed by the barrel. This gun is the key to my salvation. I used to think Dean was my salvation in this apocalyptic world. I used to believe even without my wings I could fly because I had him. How wrong I was.

I’m useless.

I can feel it in Dean’s annoyed sighs and the hard set of his jaw when he’s angry at me for unintentionally failing him again. He hates me for the drugs I do and I hate myself for them too. He hates me for being. Nothing is left for any of us here anymore, and I know that things will end badly no matter what. So why not end myself sooner? Nobody needs me anymore, I don’t need me and neither does Dean.

I can’t make him smile anymore; I can’t make him laugh anymore. I can’t make him love me anymore.

I used to tell him he was like the stars, always beautiful and pure in a world so cold. I used to tell him how much I loved him when we’d gaze at the stars together on the hood of the impala he barely notices anymore. He needed to hear it then but now I guess he doesn’t.

I can’t say any of that now, if I did he’d just walk away as if my words were just the wind with no weight on him and not some earthquake I had meant them to be. He’d leave me broken in the rain without a kiss, just like he left me now, with this gun speaking softly to me like he should be.

My hands explore every inch of the weapon that’s about to put an end to my pitiful life like I used to explore Dean, with no rush, no hesitation, just wonder and amazement that something could be so beautiful.

This gun just isn’t any gun though. It’s Dean’s favorite.

When I raise it to my temple, it sparkles in the moonlight. I was going to aim for my heart but that’s not a sure way out and I’m not that good of a shot, Dean hasn’t taken me practice shooting in what seems like forever. With my luck I’d miss and only harm myself a bit. It would be another thing I couldn’t do right.

So I stay at my temple, the metal seems so inviting now.

When I close my eyes as I prepare myself for my last breaths I see Dean. He doesn’t need me anymore, he doesn’t want me around anymore. I know. I hope he remembers how much he means to me. I hope he remembers how we used to gaze at the stars in hopes that we’d find peace in our forever together.

I don’t want to see the stars anymore, I don’t want to remember the forever that never happened.

The ocean wave of memories with Dean pool into my eyes and spill out. His promises that never came true poor out of me in breathless sobs. I hope he can forgive me for this. I hope he can see the devotion in my downfall because God knows I do. I hope he knows this is an act of love and not desperation.

I write the last words on the paper for Dean as everything I once was dissolves with my memories of Dean and his love.

The weight of him consumes me as I get closer to the end, making sure my last thoughts are of him. Maybe he’ll finally love me again. As I pull the trigger, I feel my breath hitch, I find no regret with my last good-bye just the last five years I lived on borrowed love and time.

**Author's Note:**

> there will be a sequel to this kinda. i was going to make it another chapter to this but decided against it. so if anyone wants to take the time to read it when i post it, it will be called 'My last goodbye' and it's pretty much the letter Castiel left for Dean.


End file.
